Crop

Sometimes..I wish I could crop myself out of all the group photos or selfies I clicked or got clicked in.

Since the time I was born there has not been a single photograph where I looked no less than horrifying , like a nasty curry stain on a crisp white dress shirt worn on a sunny day … I am always like the repugnant minor details one notices on a masterstroke and the stark contrast only further elaborates it’s repulsiveness.

Sometimes .. I wish I could crop out the different layers of flab all over my body as they unflatteringly make my ugly lump of a shell the monster it is , the abomination of my own creation …which I am horrified to look at yet am most graciously greeted by everyday .

Sometimes..I wish I could crop out the wild nest like frizz that sits atop my head. I wish I could shave away the voluminous brown mane that almost reaches my shoulders yet spreads further wide...its curly nature most sinister , most disgusting like a thousand worms feasting on a fresh carcass.

Sometimes...I wish I could ...no all the time..these days , I wish I could crop myself out of this scene , out of this life ...without leaving a trace. I realized one fine day that no photographer in this wide , wide world could make me look pretty ...no makeup , no diet , no exercise...no false belief….I was empty , ugly inside and an utter waste of skin outside .

Today , on this cold , lonely night ...its chill as piercing as the realization that you can never shine bright like the brilliant stars on a midsummer’s night ...i desperately beg to fade away ...fade away like the traces of heartache do from the hearts of those who succeed in loving , loving whatever and whoever they are and whoever and whatsoever they cherish . I want to fade away like the traces of a stormy , dark night ...as the sky welcomes the brilliant sun who vanquishes all darkness , welcoming a newborn clear blue sky ..full of endless possibilities.

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[To all those 'undesirable' girls , knowing your value , recognizing your flaws yet most importantly identifying the ones which you can and cannot change is the greatest gift of all.

We were destined to live , we were given an opportunity, a choice . Lets drown out all voices, internal or external that stray us from the path to an enriched life.]

You are beautiful . You are extraordinary . You are the brightest star in someone's universe

.항상 빛나줘.